Friends, family members, and countrymen:
There’s something you need to know.
If you don’t know by now, we love the Backstreet Boys. We also would like you to know a few other things:
1. If There’s A Tour, We Probably Knew About It Months Ago.
Some of us work two or three jobs to be able to afford these tour adventures. Some of us have kids that we need to know when to pawn off on other people. Some of us plan our family vacations around “tour season”. We definitely knew already, but thanks.
2. If There’s An Album, We’ve Probably Been Waiting For It For A Year.
See #1. Actually, we’ve probably heard over half of the album on the DL before the release date is even announced. We’re a little bit, as the kids say, thirsty.
Also, this is where we get our stellar ability to find things out. WE WILL FIND THINGS OUT in a creepy-fast way.
3. If Any BSB, Their Wives, Their Family, or Their Dogs Are In The News – We Know.
Yes, Becky… we know all about the upcoming tour, we know where Brian’s dogs are groomed, and we know the Carter family drama. Do you literally not see the 45 other tags on my Facebook oorrr….?
4. We Really Have To Tone Down Our Knowledge (And Sass) For Those That Claim To Be Fans, But Don’t Own Anything Past Millennium.
If you come to us asking a simple question about how a meet and greet works, we have to reel ourselves in and only tell you the basics. We don’t tell you what AJ smells like or the wonder that is Kevin’s eyes. We don’t tell you which security guards you might eventually love more than the BSB themselves or that Justin is the bomb at his photo skills.
We’re more than willing to tell you anything you want to know, but don’t come at us with a “OMG I’m so excited to hear ‘I Want It That Way’ LIVE!” ….because that makes us drink.
5. We All Talk About Those Of You Who Made Fun Of Us For Loving BSB In The 8th Grade, But Now Want Concert Info.
You know who you are. “Saraaaaa….you’re still not over them? That’s so cute!” This is exactly why we’re not telling you where the afterparty is, Laura. And believe us, we know…but it’s too “cute” for you. Sorry!
(We really are glad that you’re going to get to experience them though. We just might want to say “I told you so” a few more times than the 100 times that we do actually say it.)
6. We HAVE Grown Up.
Just like the people you consider “normal”, we have jobs, significant others, children, bills, friends, etc. Our lives do not revolve around Kevin, Howie, Brian, AJ, and Nick.
Unless they’re in our city. Then jobs, other halves, children, and bills do not matter.
At least our lives don’t revolve around crying in a glass of wine and swiping right on Tindr, Susan.
7. These Boys Are More Like Family At This Point – Diss Them And We Will Come For You.
We didn’t choose the Backstreet life; the Backstreet life chose us. You mess with any of them, you mess with us. AND WE’RE A GANG. You think Straight Outta Compton was something…
Ok, we’ve never actually shot someone, but we’re fully equipped to team up against you with facts, screams, and uninhibited anger.
8. THEY. NEVER. BROKE. UP.
OH. MY. GOD.
List of boybands that broke up:
If you say “former”, “reunited”, etc. to our faces, #7 could also apply depending on our moods. Don’t even risk it. TOGETHER SINCE ’93. Don’t make us unleash the history or buy you the documentary DVD (although we highly recommend watching it anyway).
9. Don’t Tell Us NSYNC Was Better, Then Reference A Justin Timberlake Song.
“Oh I always liked NSYNC better. They brought sexy baccckkk, tee hee.”
No. Stop it.
NSYNC FANS, you know where you can see 3/5 of your boys now? Hanging out with Nick and AJ. Justin does not define NSYNC. Get it together.
10. The Trips We Take To See The Backstreet Boys Are Also An Excuse To See Our Friends.
Say what you want about the money we spend and how many trips we take to see the Backstreet Boys (or don’t), but 95% of the time we’re using it as an excuse to hang out with our friends. Some friends we’ve made through being fans live on opposite ends of the country, some on opposite sides of the world. Sometimes we just need an excuse to take a trip with our local friends. Again, we have lives.
11. The Music Means Something Different To Every One Of Us.
For some of us, the music has changed our lives. For others, it’s simply the soundtrack to two and a half decades of our lives. For all of us, it makes us happy (except some of us who will incessantly complain about the music they release and ask about “Spotlight” – they get talked about).
HAPPY. Also, you CAN listen to the Backstreet Boys AND Top 40. We’re not exclusively stuck in the 90s (as much as we’d love to be).
12. Yes, The Boys Know Some Of Us. No, We’re Not (All) Stalkers.
Inevitably, the Boys know some of our names and faces, whether it be from social media or from the number of events we’ve been to. We didn’t sneak into their hotel and carve our names into their arms. We don’t hold them down and force them to remember our faces. They just do. They’re just that awesome.
13. Yes, We Do Have Normal Lives – It’s Not All BSB All The Time (For Most Of Us).
14. Yes, We Know They’re Still Hot…. And That They Also Have Their Off Days.
Of course we appreciate the fact that Kevin, Howie, AJ, Brian and Nick have aged gracefully and still have full capability of being hot, hot, hot. Yes, we will smirk smugly when you agree. But we’re also real and the days of swooning over everything they do is over. Sometimes our Boys are a HOT mess. Because we’re loyal fans and will love them through a bad hair day or a bad face day, we have earned the right to say so.
15. Our Husbands And Boyfriends Aren’t Jealous.
At this point, our husbands and boyfriends have become fans too and accompany us to shows. If they don’t, they’re fully supportive of our love for the band and understand the difference between love and in love. We have definitely caught them singing along to songs though and they know more about BSB than most other husbands.
NOTE: To fans reading this whose husbands and boyfriends aren’t okay with you being a fan, you don’t need him.
16. If You “Don’t Get It”, Kindly Mind Your Own Business.
Simple as that. We’re not asking you to “get it”, but we are asking you to leave us alone about it. We’ve been here for the highs and we’ve been here for the lows — we’re not backing out now! Don’t like it? We do not care.
More Backstreet Boys for us.
**Please read this with a sense of humor. 🙂 **